The Great Perhaps....

Coming to you live from Kuwait son!!!

I don't really know why I wanted to say that but anyways moving forward... As you can clearly see I titled this blog post "The Great Perhaps". I don't remember who originally said it but I'm deriving it from a really good book I read recently titled "Looking for Alaska". If you haven't read this book yet, I highly recommend it.The reason I picked that title is that in this stage of my life I am still in pursuit of it. What does it mean for me, and where can I find it? If you have been keeping up with this blog and it's history you will find that not only the title, but the actually story of said book, is delightfully ironic and super convenient to what it is I'm about to write.  If you haven't been keeping up, and to make a long story short. It's the classic tale of boy meets dead end. Needs to find a way out. Joins the military for sense of direction. At this point of the story the reader can be proud of the protagonist, but is that the end? The protagonist did what he wanted to do without losing himself, and with no post traumatic stress to speak of. Has a steady job, makes decent money, and gets to travel. A kid from Florida getting to live in Alaska is a tremendous experience, but is that it? A conversation I had with a really good friend keeps coming to mind...

 We had both taken a test that discerned our unique personality traits, as we discussed the results and talked about what elements were true or false, it was very apparent that this test was extremely accurate. It told us a lot of stuff that we already knew, and a few things we had yet to learn about ourselves. The most interesting thing about the test is that it told us what our most basic desire was. For him it was that as long as he stayed happy it didn't matter what happened. That he was okay with the conventional America dream idea. To one day find the right girl and get married. Have a good job that he enjoys, buying a house, and eventually settling down and have kids. Just being happy and comfortable would be a good life. But I on the other hand was a bit different. All the things mentioned related to his happiness are all things that do apply to me but the only difference is I will always want to build on that. That my happiness is to achieve and then achieve on top of that. So in my eyes his view of life made it seem as if he had a low ceiling. Ceiling referring to the amount of space you have left to grow. If you know this particular friend then you know that a comment like that would spark a bit of a heated discussion between us. What I'll never forget about that conversation is what he declared at the end. "What makes me happy is what normal people want, I have a normal ceiling. Jeni has a high ceiling, Brian you have no ceiling". 

No ceilings. I like that shit. Regardless of where I am in life, there is always room for improvement. The conventional lifestyle isn't anything bad at all. I too want the wife, excellent job, big house, and kids. For me there is always something else to work towards, it's in my personality. Its funny thinking back to a younger version of myself dreaming of one day becoming a president. It's ludicrous thinking back that far because to me that thought is now foreign. If I could have a conversation with my 13 year old self I'd imagine it would go like this...

 I can see the shine of a full moon still lit in his eyes. The roundness of his face, the thin narrow shoulders that holds a frame no bigger than a hundred pounds. The squeaky voice that is still unaffected by puberty.  He doesn't stand any taller than five feet so he has to look up to me when he says... "Did your balls drop off somewhere? How could you let my dreams die?" It would sting. But the simple answer to his question would be life. Life happened. I guess you can chalk it up to his ignorance but my former self was fearless. Sure, he was still figuring a lot of different things out but he wasn't afraid to declare that his dream was to become a lawyer, to become a president. So what happened? Why did his boldness become my reluctance? The only thing that I can think of is , I am afraid. Afraid of failure. Afraid that I wasn't good enough to make it. Nature's first green is gold. When you are not affected by the trials and tribulations of life, you are untouchable. Everyone has their dreams and aspirations, the only difference is that once you write them down, they become a goal. One step closer to achieving what that dream might be.

In the book "Looking for Alaska" the main character, Miles, is in search of his "Great Perhaps". He is still in high school and he feels that his life up until that point has been irrelevant, and he yearns for something more. Miles decides that he wants to leave home to attend a boarding school in hopes of finding his "Great Perhaps". I, like Miles, felt that I could  possibly travel the world, or maybe if I could experience a plethora of new things. That I could find my "Great Perhaps". But I've come to realize that it's none of those things. My "Great Perhaps" has always been inside of me. I have to find that 13 year old Brian. The Brian that didn't look for excuses but the one who saw an obstacle to overcome. He might not always make the right decisions but wasn't afraid to get messy. To make mistakes but learn from them. To understand that you can't always get it right the first time. And that it is you and only you,who can stop you from attempting a second time. I desperately need to find him, he won't have all the answers I seek. Just to tap into his boldness. Turn his dreams into my goals. He was untouchable. He was immune to danger. Like two little lion cubs before him...

"Danger??? HA! I laugh in the face of danger."

Take life one adventure at a time, and ALWAYS remember that it is a work in progress.

Peace and Happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Brian J

Chick-fil-A said WHAT...

 Hello and what's good friends?

So you might have guessed that this post is related to the subject of gay marriage and that whole Chick-fil-A uproar that was in the news recently. I really try and stay away from these matters but I have a blog, I should use it for something right? Its my understanding that the CEO or one of the top hats of the company was asked what his position on gay marriage was. He responded with something along the lines of "I support traditional marriage". If you have been following the story then you know about the negative backlash he and his company have received. Honestly I don't get it at all, people must have forgotten that we live in America. That statement was his own personal belief that has nothing to do with the business side of Chick-fil-A, I guess freedom of speech doesn't exist anymore. There is something I want to point out...

When we were kids, at least when I was, when you thought of people getting married you usually thought of a man and women getting married. But more importantly where was the location? You always imagined that it was being held in the church. I mean nowadays people can get married anywhere, on the beach in Hawaii, on a fancy golf resort, or some even have it at their own home. But people seem to forget that marriage was something that started in the church, that getting married was something institutionalized in the church. Where did the church come from? The Bible. If you know anything about the bible then you know that it doesn't mesh well with gay people. They are like water and oil, they just don't mix. We all have a understanding of who Adam and Eve was. God didn't create Adam, then create Eve and Steve. Adam wasn't given an option on who he wanted to be with. I believe in what the bible says, so by default I support traditional marriage but...

I am a very tolerant person, I have zero problems with gay people. I feel that whoever it is that you are sexually attracted to is your business. I can never judge you, because we all are people. By no means do I sit above anyone else, I will never be in a position to judge anyone for what it is that they want. So lets say that gay marriage gets legalized in all 50 states, I wouldn't riot in the streets or even really care. At that point it is your choice and no one will be able to take that away from you. At that junction in time, me believing that its wrong will just be my opinion. If I found out that one of my closest friends in the world was gay and he wanted me to be the best man at his wedding, I say lets do it. To me he will always be my friend before I would think that he was gay. But what really grinds my gears...

The fact that people would stop eating there because someone has their own personal opinion. There is a fine line between annoyed and upset. What really irked me is that I saw a picture on Facebook that  people who supported Chick-fil-A where in the same boat as the guys who founded the KKK... like really? That is completely off base and super distasteful. It would be a different story if this company denied gay people service or didn't give them jobs based on their sexual orientation. If that was the case, then of course they would be wrong. But to connect that or even suggest there is a correlation is down right... for lack of a better word.. retarded. I understand that we as humans can get really sensitive to things we don't agree with but at the same time why cast a negative shadow on something mundane as that? Don't get so twisted out of shape over a personal opinion, we do live in America right? Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A didn't come up with our national policy on gay marriage. Trust me, your fight against them and their mouth watering sandwiches will be in vain.

On a lighter note it would be funny if he used that comment as a marketing device to increase sales. On one hand you got the people who support traditional marriage, you got people who support it also but doesn't really care either way, and then people who down right don't care either way all going to get Chick-fil-A. I'm sure everyone also hear the story of the supporters all going out to get food there, I have first hand knowledge, the store here was packed. Just putting the thought of Chick-fil-A in peoples minds made them want to go get it. Marketing genius, I've had Chick-fil-A about five times since this story broke. Eat Chick-fil-A or don't eat it. I think its fucking delicious, but hey that's just my opinion. Should it or anyone Else's, really effect what you do?

Take life one adventure at a time, and ALWAYS remember that it is a work in progress.

Peace and Happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Brian J

Is the grass greener on the other side...

Well damn... Hello.

Its been a very long time since I've done one of these and a lot... a lot.. A LOT of things have happen since I last wrote to you. One post wouldn't even begin to cover what has happen since then, but I'm going to keep it short and sweet. While yes the military is a huge part of my life, it is not the whole thing. I want to knock this one out and dig into other subjects that have been surging through my brain. But before I jump straight back into it I want to give out some shout outs...

First and foremost I would like to thank God, I don't know where I would be without keeping the faith because sometimes that's all a person has. Of course all my family and friends who have supported me throughout all my decisions. But I want to give a special shout out to Tom and Jeni Manton... wow its hard to believe that in my last post you guys were not married yet, but of course congrats you guys did it, you really did it. I can't mention those two without mentioning the little one. Their son, my godson, James Andrew Manton born on June 19th 2012. While the Godfather is a honorable position but hardly ever really that serious, but I know that if anything ever happened to either of them and I had to step up I would be there in a drop of a hat to take care of James. I truly do mean that. So without further ado, let's answer the question shall we? Is the grass greener on the other side?

I say hell yea. Hell yea, hell yea. Fucking right. Damn right, alright.

If I had to stop the post right there I think that should indefinitely answer that question. But one question I do get a lot is, what was basic training like? Which is kind of hard to answer because it is not like anything you've ever experienced before. And honestly there isn't a single thing I could have done to prepare for it. It wasn't anything nice or easy and while you're there you think its the worst thing possible but looking back at it I always smile, because that experience made me stronger and made me the person I am today. I'll attempt to break it down further, the whole idea of basic training is to break you down and mold you into something better. So they try and rid you of all your bad habits and instill discipline. Its almost like going to rehab from yourself, but regardless of anything, no one really can stop you from being you. So yes there is certain things you will look at and never really forget but once you graduate from it, you slowly go back just like any fiend would. No one can really change you. So that definitely was something that will always stay with me and then there was tech school...


If basic training is like jail then tech school would be probation after you got out of jail. So things are not as strict and you get a little bit more freedom because they want you to make a smooth transition back into the real world, but also hang on to the core valves from basic training, I personally loved tech school. My tech school was in California and it was an amazing opportunity, the weather out there is beautiful practically everyday. If it wasn't so expensive there I think I would live there when I decided to get out. Compared to the harsh dry heat of Texas being there was a heavenly change of pace. My tech school was short and sweet, I was only out there for six weeks. Basically at tech school you learn how to do your job. My job in a nutshell? I help manage a fleet of vehicles but where am I now...

Operational Air Force is what they call it. You further learn how to do your job on a real day to day basis but now you get all the free time you need. For me my job is like any other 9 to 5, I go to work and I come home, I also have weekends off. For a lot people in the military that is exactly what it is like. The only real difference is that with being a military citizen there are more rules that they hold you accountable for. Operational is night and day compared to basic training, and just for the record no I don't get yelled at any more. People really seem to think that everything about the military lifestyle is about getting yelled at, that is just in basic training.

In one of my earlier posts I went off on how I was getting out of Florida and really making a way for myself in a different environment but where did I get stationed?  Moody Air Force Base, Georgia only 30 minutes away from the border of Florida... The irony right? I remember when I first told Tom, he laughed at me. But when you really want something you have to work at it. I've only been on this base for under a year and now I'm already packing my bags for the final frontier, Alaska! In only two short weeks they are moving this Florida boy to Alaska! Imagine that I've never seen snow before in my life and honestly I don't even know what to expect but I'm really pumped up about it. Honestly my decision to join the Air Force is the best thing to happen to me. I'm getting back into school and taking college classes and my money stays looking right. Imagine that, how many 21 year old kids do you know who already has retirement fund going and is investing money? I have no regrets. Huuuuuaaaaaaaaa!

Take life one adventure at a time, and ALWAYS remember that it is a work in progress.

Peace and Happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Airmen 1st Class Brian J

Until next time...

Hello Friends!

Today is the day, I am finally making my departure from Naples. Its a weird feeling, I don't exactly know how I feel at the moment but as write this now I'm going to miss everyone so much. This is big step in my life. But I will be back that for sure is for certain.

This is not goodbye. I will see you later.

Peace and happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Brian J

True love...

Hey there!

So as I promised in my very last post, I am going to try and take a swing at what true love is or what it might be like. So for you readers that are in love or have experienced it before please feel free to comment. I would really like to hear everyone's opinion.

When I think of love, the first thing that comes to mind is of course the physical aspect. The burning lust of desire that resides in all of us, the same emotion that in most cases are what actually spark up relationships. I do believe it is important on the road that leads to love but I think it is safe to say that you the reader understands that. Regardless of your sexual orientation when you encounter someone you like that lust is there.

I have had time to think about this and one song that jumps out to me is Paper Planes by M.I.A. and if you have heard this song before then you should be thinking what the fuck am I talking about? But that song always brings me back to a scene in the movie Slumdog millionaire. The scene in the movie when Jamal loses Latika for the first time. And in turn leaves him with his older brother Salim on a train. It  might have been Salim's fault that he lost Latika right there and then. And of course the love that Jamal and Latika exhibits in this film is a prime example of what true love is but I want to explore the love between the two brothers.

In that very scene on top of the train you get the sense that Jamal and Salim have devolved a its us against the world attitude. It isn't anything new to the movie but I think it is really cemented in this scene. That no matter what happens to us, I got your back. I think this concept is very vital for true love to exist. Along with the lust and lovey dovey emotions, a form of what these two brothers had has to be evident. That mutually you have to be willing to do anything to keep up with each others well being. I hope that one day I will find the person I am willing to sacrifice everything to make them happy and have her feel the same way.

While I haven't found true love for myself yet, I don't think it its a concept to throw around lightly. There are three lethal words that should never be said if you don't mean them. "I Love You". Love springs Eternal. And when you say it this should also ring true...

"Loved is not a word. Because love is forever, and never can be used in past tense. So when i say i love you, you know where you stand."

Peace and Happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Brian J

"What's love worth?" (The first sonnet)...

Supp Playas???

My compassion for writing and story telling started at a very early age. Actually I was eight when I wrote my first story. In retrospect, my editor Tom would have nightmares trying to edit that first story of mines. My spelling was horrible, I used no punctuations or periods. But as you can see my writing has evolved by a large margin since then. But it was not until my senior year in high school I developed an appetite for structural poetry or to be more specific, sonnets. Take a look at the first one I ever wrote....

With love, is it always all or nothing?
to spend yourself for that one pretty person
always ready to give the sealing ring
to live life like she was the mighty sun


One sitting in place will of course say yes
always willing to run the endless race
that sweet love is felt with all of one's chest
never ever yielding to see that face


I say love is a flaming two edge sword
cutting down anyone who isn't careful
pretty and shining but can't be adored
its a thief that seems to be cheerful


love takes away leaving any man so broke
it will laugh and degrade like any sick joke.

Reading this, I have come to realize that when it comes to writing, may it be a song, a poem, or whatever it is, it is so easy to write about the negative aspects of love. Even if you don't have first hand experience of what it is that you're writing about. For instance, this poem has nothing to do with my life exactly. So what I want to do is for next month's spotlight post, a totally 180. I haven't experience what true love is yet but I want to try an express or understand what that might be like. So until then...

Peace and Happiness to all :)

Humbly yours,

Brian J

Hit the ground running...

What is good readers?

In the developmental  stages of this blog post I was unsure of what to title it. It could of easily became Spreading my wings part three. But what your are about to read is more of an extension of Spreading my wings part two. And since I kind of insulted the Lion King serious in that post I'm not going to name it Spreading my wings part one and a half, regardless, that would be silly. You the reader can dub it however you like, but with the way I am feeling now I think the title I have chosen supersedes what I intend to express.

I have approximately two months before I go, and it can't come any sooner. To get away from Naples and to finally begin chapter one of my life. What is actually funny about my journey through the military up to this point is that it really took awhile for things to finally align for me. And I just don't mean the big time gap in between high school and now. What some people do not know is that the Air Force was not my first choice. The Marines was, and then the Army, and now the Air Force . What truly is hysterical is that my plans with the Marines are completely different from the plans I have for myself now.  

With the Marines my plan was that I wanted to end up here, back in Naples. I was going to go through three hard months of basic training. Then twenty-nine days of military combat training, and finally learn my MOS (military occupational specialty) which varies with what job you select. The time that takes is based on what job you get. I wanted to do all that so I could come back to Naples, my "home". To become a full time student at possibly Ave Maria, and a part time Marine. I thought it was a good deal, and don't get me wrong it is. But it wasn't exactly what I wanted, I was just high off the hype the recruiter was feeding me.

Respect your elders. Don't just hear their words but also listen.

What truly changed my mind about my decision concerning the military was my sister Cindy and her husband Eric (both are actually in the Army). The council I received from them was tremendously helpful, I learned a lot from them. But one of the BIGGEST things I learned from them, what I had not accounted of until then, was the changes I would go through. And what Naples would be like for me once I got back. Everything in Naples would be the same except for me. Naples is my home, but I have done it all already. There isn't anything left for me to see or do here and it is understandable for me to want to stay. But the home that was created here was created by my parents. They are far away from where they originally called home. I think that rings true for everyone, and if it doesn't it will someday. That for me, I have to get out there and create my own home. That leaving the nest also means leaving this city behind, with that being said...

I CAN'T WAIT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

In the Air Force , while you are at tech school learning your MOS you get to create a dream list. A dream list is comprised of eight locations in where you want to serve. And if I can help it none of my choices will be stateside. I'm thinking, Japan, England, Italy, France, Germany, Hawaii, wherever that is far from here. I am a young man and I want to travel and why not now? 

So like the title of this post implies, I want to hit the ground running. And once I do, I don't see a single obstacle stopping me. And once I am on my way, I will not stop. Not even to look over my shoulder. Trust me there is nothing to see back there.

Change. I am truly flabbergasted at how quickly things can change.

Peace and Happiness to all. :)


Humbly yours,

Brian J